That Which Once Bloomed
by ice23hot
Summary: William and Lizzie learn what it means to mourn together as husband and wife. Set in Lizzie Bennet Diaries verse, futurefic.


Lizzie is halfway through her first pint of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia when she hears Darcy's footsteps. She can't help feeling a little anxious, though his approach isn't unexpected. He recognizes when she needs to be left alone and not smothered, but Lizzie knows that they have to talk about it eventually. She is wearing her glasses instead of contacts because the occasional bouts of crying dry her eyes out. She is leaning over a huge pile of documents, obsessively trying to sort them by relevance, importance, author and date. It is definitely not a necessary task, but Lizzie needs a good panic now and then. Sometimes she works feverishly and relaxes at the same time (that's what the ice cream is for) so that the two modes cancel each other out. As of late, it's a kind of numbness that she's addicted to.

A soft rap at the door. "Lizzie?"

Lizzie clears her throat. "Come in."

Darcy enters the room, and closes the door of the small office quietly behind him. It really is a random room for Lizzie to have settled in, out of all the beautiful rooms in the Darcy residence.

Lizzie offers him a small smile. Darcy plants a soft kiss on the top of her head and perches on the chair beside hers. He gestures towards the papers strewn about the cluttered desk.

"What's all this?"

Lizzie pushes her glasses up her nose. "Just…work."

Darcy is quiet for a moment, probably pondering how to speak in the most delicate way possible. "I was not aware that you were required to work at the current time."

"I need to stay _busy_, William!" Lizzie forcefully opens the filing cabinet beside the desk and stuffs in her neatly organized papers, just for an excuse to hide her face from view; tears have started to fall down her cheeks. She stays hunched over for a few moments, shaking with her badly suppressed sobs.

"Elizabeth…" Gently, slowly, Darcy puts one arm under her knees and the other around her back, and tenderly carries her to her favorite red rocking chair in the parlor. Maybe the act is juvenile, but Lizzie curls into his chest and lets her tears stain his perfectly ironed shirt.

They rock in silence for a long time, trying to distract their thoughts. Darcy stares intently at the red and gold swirling patterns of the wallpaper around them. The reds and the yellows seem to have no distinct pattern, and look chaotic as they dance across the walls, but they somehow go together rather well. Lizzie picked out the paper herself.

Just as Lizzie's crying dies down, she breaks the tangible silence. "I miss her."

Darcy blinks rapidly. "Me too," he chokes. There are a few more minutes of silence, and then Darcy lets out a sad little chuckle. "She would've been so beautiful."

Lizzie sighs shakily. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry for what?"

"That I…couldn't…do it."

"Elizabeth Darcy, don't you _dare_ say that." His tone is harsh. "It was not your fault. It is a terrible tragedy, and no one can always say why it happens. I cannot stand to see you blame yourself."

"Deep down I know it's not my fault…I just need to place the blame s_omewhere_, you know?"

Darcy shakes his head and runs a hand up Lizzie's arm soothingly. "There doesn't have to be any fault involved. We did everything we could, but life had other arrangements for us. Lizzie…she knew that we loved her. That's all that matters."

Tears threaten to spill from Lizzie's eyes again. "But…what if I can never have kids? Would you hate me?"

"I would never dare hate you." Lizzie can't help but smile a little as he quotes himself. "I will always love you, Lizzie. No matter what. I do not care if we don't have children. She was there, wasn't she? And she made us happy. I care if I have you. I waited for you, remember? Despite my many faults, I do pride myself in being patient."

Lizzie plants a tearful kiss on his hand. "We love each other too much, don't we, Will?" She places a hand on her tragically flat stomach. Only days ago did it hold life; four-month old life. Darcy gently placed his hand on top of his wife's.

"We can try again in the future," he whispers in her ear soothingly. "I love you, my Lizzie."

_**Baby Girl Darcy**_

_**August 2016 – November 2016**_

_**You must allow us to tell you how ardently**_

_**we miss and love you.**_


End file.
